Every year, as PRIDE month approaches, we see a flurry of events, parades, exhibits, and conversations emerge with the hope of shining a light on the experience and the community of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, pansexual, two-spirited, and asexual humans (LGBTQ+). Though for many it is a celebration, a social statement, or a call to action, for parents, siblings, friends, and other family members it can be an invitation to learn, grow, and understand.
The experience of and response from parents and families is a unique part of the ‘coming out’ journey for many LGBTQ+ community members. Fears of judgment that include ostracization, even eventual evictions from their own homes and affiliations, are too often realized. The National Coalition for the Homelessness reported a study from UCLA’s law institute revealing that 68% of survey respondents who identified as LGBTQ+ reported some history of family rejection. In addition, 17% of the LGBTQ+-identified respondents reported being homeless at some point in their life with 20% of that population noting the homelessness occurred before the age of 18. In fact, according to another study by the University of Chicago, LGBTQ+ youth were 120% more likely to experience homelessness than their non-LGBTQ+ peers.
Hearing those statistics, it’s not hard then to predict the mental health outcomes within the LGBTQ+ communities. The American Psychiatric Association’s (APA) national statistics report 9 million Americans identify as either lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender, but the numbers increase when we include those reporting to engage in same-sex behaviors (19 million) and when we include those reporting to have same-sex sexual attraction (25.6 million). With a population of approximately 330 million people in the United States, we are talking about 13% of our population exploring or engaging in identity or orientations outside of the heteronormative, binary standard. It would be difficult to find someone who isn’t either within this demographic or someone who cares about someone within this demographic.
When we look more closely at mental health issues across demographics, we find even more cause for concern. Again, according to the APA, anxiety and depression within the LGBTQ+ community consistently reports to be higher than its heterosexual counterparts, with the transgender community having double the frequency (100% increased rate) of anxious or depressed days, as compared to 10-20% increased rates for gay/lesbian/bisexual individuals.
Likewise, when we look at suicide rates, we find what one might expect given the other risk factors. A study in 2009 by the Mass. Department of Public Health showed 2.3% of heterosexual adults attempted suicide during their lifetime, while 4.4% of gay and lesbians, 7.4% of bisexuals, and 30.8% of transgender persons make a suicide attempt. Unfortunately, the statistics only get more complex and more concerning as we add in other risk factors such as living in specific geographic regions within the United States or being a member of additional marginalized communities such as African American/black, Hispanic, Native American/Alaskan, or mixed-race persons.
Many people in the LGBTQ+ community face stigma and discrimination trying to access health care, including mental health care, leading to devastating results. Despite overwhelming evidence and endorsements by all major mental health organizations stating homosexuality, bisexuality, and transgender or gender variance are not mental disorders, old stereotypes and beliefs can and do persist.
When we hear the realities of the LGBTQ+ population, it’s easy to understand the concern of parents and families when a loved one shares their identity and orientation. We may have our own feelings of disbelief or confusion, remembering prior versions of a person as they were likely going through the developmentally appropriate stages leading to the identity exploration we all go through in our adolescent and teen years. Regardless of each unique coming out story, there are likely complexities of emotions within families that include both fears and grief. Acceptance of someone coming out requires letting go of those old versions of them, but it also means letting go of the expectations or visions we held for who we wanted or needed them to become in our own version of their life story. In order to go through that process of letting go and acceptance, we need ways to stay connected in the conversations. We need places to explore our own experience without putting that emotional baggage in the hands of those already dealing with the process of coming out.
Thankfully, the journey of parents and family members in the queer community is not a new one. Other loving, concerned, passionate people have created platforms and resources for those of us still finding our way onto the scene.
Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) has been around since 1973. Now inclusive of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and plus identities, PFLAG provides resources, swag, information, and opportunities to influence change. They have information on local chapters, and they provide connectivity to other collectives of parents, organizations, and online conversations that can help anyone on the journey of understanding, accepting, and supporting the people in their life who are part of the LGBTQ+ community.
The Role of PFLAG
PFLAG, initially founded as Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, was established in 1973 by Jeanne Manford, a mother who publicly supported her gay son in a time when such advocacy was rare and often met with hostility. Over the years, PFLAG has grown into the nation's largest family and ally organization for LGBTQ+ people, expanding its mission to include bisexual, transgender, queer, and other sexual and gender minority identities, thus broadening its scope and impact.
PFLAG provides a wide range of resources designed to educate and support both LGBTQ+ individuals and their families. These resources include:
1. Support Meetings: Local PFLAG chapters host regular support meetings where parents, family members, and allies can share their experiences and receive guidance from others who have gone through similar journeys. These meetings offer a safe space for expressing fears, asking questions, and receiving support.
2. Educational Materials: PFLAG offers extensive educational materials on various LGBTQ+ issues, including understanding different sexual orientations and gender identities, navigating the coming-out process, and addressing discrimination and mental health concerns. These materials are designed to help families become informed allies and advocates.
3. Advocacy and Policy Influence: PFLAG actively participates in advocacy efforts to promote LGBTQ+ rights and equality. This includes lobbying for inclusive policies and legislation at local, state, and national levels. PFLAG's advocacy work is aimed at creating a more inclusive and accepting society for all individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
4. Community Building: By connecting families and allies with local chapters and other supportive organizations, PFLAG fosters a sense of community and belonging. This network helps individuals find others who share their experiences and can offer advice and encouragement.
5. Online Resources: PFLAG's website offers a wealth of online resources, including webinars, downloadable guides, and links to supportive services. These resources are accessible to anyone, providing immediate assistance to those who may not have a local chapter nearby.
Through these efforts, PFLAG not only supports individual families but also works to change societal attitudes and reduce the stigma associated with being LGBTQ+. By educating and empowering parents and allies, PFLAG helps create a more inclusive environment where LGBTQ+ individuals can thrive and be accepted for who they are.
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